Kathleen’s Rules for Life

March 21, 2022

Written by Brooke Geller

Hidden away on the top shelf in my home office sits a picture frame. It’s an ordinary picture frame: blue, wooden molding, and an overall worn-out vintage feel (even though it’s from Target). Most visitors look closely, expecting to see a family photo, maybe one of us on a snowboarding vacation, or a toothless school picture of my son, Hunter. Yeah, that’s not it–it’s not even a photo. Inside the picture frame is a list of eight “Kathleen-isms” that I scribbled on the back of a placemat six years ago.

I usually don’t spend weekends in my office, but on this occasion I did. It was a windy day at Columbia University. A friend beckoned me from the doorway to take a phone call from my boss. It seemed urgent and unexpected. I rushed across the room to answer the phone. 

“Kathleen passed away,” I heard on the line.

“Who?” I retorted until I realized…Kathleen. I fell to the ground, crying, my voice echoing in the empty, sterile hallway.  

Kathleen–the person who saw more in me than I could ever see in myself–died unexpectedly. And here I was, alone at a diner on Route 22 in New Jersey, drinking coffee, eating a cheese omelet with a side of crispy bacon, and crying before working with a group of teachers. While trying to enjoy a weekday breakfast, diner-goers turned their heads to say, “What’s wrong with that one?” I didn’t care much. I didn’t care about much of anything that day. “What the f*uck am I supposed to do without her?” is all I could think as I tried to get comfortable in the faux leather booth.

I took a deep breath and turned my attention to the paper placemat, covered in advertisements for local cleaning services and tire replacements. An enormity of thoughts and emotions swirled around inside of me, needing to take shape. So, I flipped the placemat over to the backside, fished inside my bag, found a brand-new PaperMate black felt tip marker, and started to write. A few minutes later, the blank backside of my placemat was filled with Kathleen.  

Many years have passed since that bleak morning at the diner, and much has changed. I’ve worked with thousands of teachers and children, reimagined my career, and tried to do it with grace (when possible) during a global pandemic. It’s been rewarding and incredibly challenging. According to Fastcompany.com, 55% of educators plan to leave the profession earlier than anticipated. As the spring approaches, I hope you find humor and inspiration in some of the lessons I learned from Kathleen and hopefully find the strength to keep going, no matter what, as I did. Here are three of Kathleen-isms to help:

Clean Up Your Mess: Since I can remember, the Teachers College Reading and Writing Project community has gathered together to study our craft. Every Thursday, we collaborate, reflect, problem solve and create. While this is invigorating, it is also risky– a lot can go wrong when over fifty people descend to an office that only a handful of us call “home” daily. By 4:30 in the afternoon, many of us quickly headed out the door to catch the 1 train downtown to Penn Station, leaving the place in disarray. Kathleen trolled the hallways picking up after people. Depending on how much trash she collected, you might be the recipient of an email reminding you to “clean up your mess.” In her note, she’d often remind us of the kind custodian who was always left to rearrange the chairs, dispose of the empty Joe’s Coffee cups, dried out Sharpie markers, and wrinkled-up Post-it notes. It was only fitting that “clean up your mess” became a metaphor for being accountable for your actions and taking stock of how they might have impacted those around you. Those messes might have included double-booking yourself for staff development or turning in your expenses late. “Clean up your mess” was indeed Kathleen’s way of saying “no excuses” and “own up to your mistakes.” You, too, might find yourself in a complicated situation and unsure how to clean up your mess. Consider the following steps to take stock and move forward:

  • What was the best experience in this situation? What does it say about you?
  • What do I need to adjust the next time around? Why? 
  • What’s one goal you would like to set for yourself?

We Are Here for the Kids: Over the years, Kathleen visited me at various schools where she would coach me on how I supported teachers. Each time, I marked my calendar and anxiously awaited the visit. I knew I would learn a lot from her, but I was terrified. I worried I would forget what I planned to work on with teachers and ultimately disappoint her. Therefore, I would be disappointed in myself. Regardless, I wore my best outfit, smiled, and welcomed Kathleen to sit alongside me and get ready to be coached until I would sweat. 

One cold March morning, Kathleen joined me at a school in Queens, New York. My staff development day began with Kathleen and me, shoulder to shoulder, at a small table in the principal’s office with a group of third-grade teachers dressed as Dr. Suess characters. My hands shook as I mustered up the courage to tell the teachers to turn the pages of the guide I had created for them. “The next part of the guide tells us to look at student work to make future teaching decisions,” I said as I fumbled through my photocopies. 

Minutes passed, and the silence made me believe the teachers were engaged in the activity. I smiled at Kathleen as to implicitly say, “See…I can do this!” She touched my arm gently and whispered,” Lift your head. No one brought student work.” Disappointment swept through my body as I looked around the room at Thing 1 and Thing 2, only to recognize they had their arms crossed and probably did for a while now. This is a reminder to keep your priorities on track and your eye on what matters–the kids. It’s always the kids. Consider these questions the next time you veer off the path and lose sight of your students:

  • Do my choices reflect teaching and learning?
  • In what areas can I improve to connect with students to support their well-being and achievement?
  • In what ways can I support my colleagues in their learning of students?

See More in People Than They See in Themselves: Teacher efficacy, which is the confidence in the ability to impact student growth, is crucial, especially now. Teachers who have a high level of teacher efficacy are better problem solvers and are more open-minded, which helps them connect with students. We all need a boost from time to time, and Kathleen often signed me up for presentations and projects well before I thought I was prepared to do them. I soon stopped asking, “Are you sure I am the right person for this?” and started saying, “Yes, I will figure it out later” when a project came up. I now pay that forward to new staff developers and leaders I collaborate with many years later.  Think about the following to help raise others to their potential:

  • How can you encourage others to innovate?
  • How can you motivate others to make decisions?
  • Who can you reach out to on your team to acknowledge their dedication?

Every time I drive past Union Diner on Route 22, I think of Kathleen and my scribbled-on placemat. And each time I walk past that frame in my office, I am reminded of the Kathleen-isms that guide me. Kathleen has left a mark on me. 

What mark will you make this week?

14 Comments

  1. Melissa Quintana

    Wow! This reminds me so much of my dad’s Dad Lectures (TM) and that I need to write them down ASAP. Thank you for this!

    • Brooke Geller

      So good to hear from you, Melissa! 🙂

    • Rachel Adelstein

      All of these are hitting me right in my heart. Kathleen was so brilliant and so gifted as a teacher, a coach, a mentor, and a leader. I feel so lucky to have learned so much from her. Thank you for this!!!!!

      • Brooke Geller

        It is so lovely to still be connected to you after all these years, Rachel. You and I learned so much from our days together.

  2. Tim Murray

    Thank you for the insight and and beautiful memories of Kathleen! Those sweaty moments with her are the times I grew the most!😘

  3. Mandy Ehrlich

    Thank you for this, Brooke. Kathleen was, and and continues to be, an inspiration; as are you. I carry around a few Brookeisms . . .
    Happy Birthday, my friend.

    • Brooke Geller

      Well…That happened. 🙂

  4. Ryan Scala

    Thank you for this, Brooke. It is such a gift to continue to learn from KT through you. I have thought of her often this year, which has been one of the most challenging of my career.

    I can’t wait to hear the other five “Kathleen-isms”. 🙂

    • Brooke Geller

      Now I have an idea for a new post. 🙂

    • Dahlia Dallal

      This is beautiful and these “Kathleenisms” not only made me cry in remembering her but also hit some very important points. Thanks for sharing the story of you at the diner on that day and thank you for these beautiful reminders.

  5. Evi Hickman

    Thank you for sharing these Kathleen-isms, Brooke! She left an indelible mark on all those she met. A Kathleen-ism I remember was “find your peeps”! And she had found her peeps and, following her advice, I found mine! Here’s to all the teachers and coaches who keep students at the center of all they do and who learn alongside them each day!

  6. Chara Rodrigues

    You nailed this one!!! She definitely made you sweat and believe in yourself like no one else could! So many amazing moments with her in our CA schools. I miss her! And I miss working next to you too! Hopefully soon!

  7. Kathy Curto

    A beautiful piece of writing and an important story, Brooke!

    • Brooke Geller

      Much appreciation for reading it and giving me feedback. 🙂

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